Jump to Question
- Will I have to live with this libido forever?
- How do men live with themselves?
- What do you wish you had known before you started testosterone therapy?
- Is there a chest binder you recommend?
- If you don’t recommend binding, what do you do to shape your torso without a mastectomy?
- What specific treatments and means have you taken to masculinise?
- What’s the hardest part of transgender masculinisation?
- What has been the most surprising part of your masculinisation?
- How long did it take you to pass as male?
- What do you wish you had done differently?
- Why does The MANual focus on traditional masculinity and gender roles?
- What is the website aesthetic all about?
“Will I have to live with this libido forever?”
Basically, yes. It will eventually subside slightly after six or seven years, however. When you become an old man, your libido should further subside, though there is no guarantee.
“How do men live with themselves?”
With great difficulty.
“What do you wish you had known before you started testosterone therapy?”
How important sleep, nutrition, and exercise are, in that order. Without it, your body will not be able to respond to your hormones—any hormones, endogenic or otherwise—properly, and to the full extent.
“Is there a chest binder you recommend?”
I am familiar with only American manufacturers. There is only one binder I recommend, with cautious qualifications, and that is Shapeshifters. All other binders I’ve tried are far too restrictive to wear for extended periods of time (over 2 hours), and become hot very quickly. If you feel yourself becoming fatigued and sleepy after putting on your binder, it is because you are not getting enough oxygen. Shapeshifters provides a healthier range of motion and breathing, and even offers razorback models for exercise. Even so, I recommend taking off your Shapeshifters binder after 4 hours, and allow yourself a 30-minute rest period to capture your breath, and allow your ribcage to expand. I would recommend NOT wearing a binder as often as possible. This is especially important if you are under the age of 26; your bones are still developing up as late as 25 years of age.
“If you don’t recommend binding, what do you do to shape your torso without a mastectomy?”
In all cases I recommend wearing a quality sports bra. As for manufacturers, I am only familiar with American brands; Shapeshifters now offers sports bras, in addition to their excellent binder product line, though I have not tried them. I personally have done well (read: passed as a cis male) with Champion sports bras. You can wear these sports bras all day, without risk to your health.
“What specific treatments and means have you taken to masculinise?”
I inject testosterone cypionate subcutaneously twice a week, and I wear a sports bra or compression rash guard when I go out (the latter when swimming). I used to wear a packer—that is, a fake penis you put in your pants—, and while the initial novelty and high quality of that was highly appreciated, I eventually stopped caring and no longer actively desired to wear one. I was initially interested in a double mastectomy, and I no longer desire one now. If I were offered the opportunity for such a surgery for free, I would still refuse. I would not mind wearing a packer still, I just would not care, and frankly, I do not want to be inconvenienced by having to remove and set it aside when I have to pee, bathe, or masturbate. The packer also made certain exercises and dancing difficult, as it would jostle out of place, and need to be realigned. Constantly stuffing my hands down my pants when I’m shredding the dance floor would probably horrify others.
“What’s the hardest part of transgender masculinisation?”
Honestly—the libido. You know how productive I’d be if I weren’t getting my rocks off every day, sometimes multiple times over?! It’s like living with an insane person. And you’re chained to them. And it never stops. And it’ll be like this, forever.
“What has been the most surprising part of your masculinisation?”
Aside from getting really good at make-up only after my masculinisation, just how accepting the hip-hop community has been of me being transgender. You know, I’m not talking about big, openly queer artists. I mean old school MCs, I mean guys who work professionally around the scene in auxiliary positions, I mean young street rappers and random tokers and listeners on the streets alike. This is a scene infamous for “misogyny”, “homophobia”, and “toxic masculinity”, and the reputation isn’t frequently misapplied. Now I don’t come blazing in saying, “Hello, I am trans, and I have come to appreciate your African-American bar-spitting.” I just talk, listen to music, commiserate about production woes, and sometimes, after a while, I somehow find an opening in the conversation where I casually mention I’m trans. “You what? ” And at first, they think I’m going the other way, and I’ve just started, an’ they try to be really polite while being supportive and curious, but then I tell them no I went the other way and went from being an Asian fitgirl to being a short dude. And that takes them aback even more, and they get even more supportive and more curious. “Congratulations! That’s ah, wow!” “Now why would you wanna be a nigga?! It’s hard to be a nigga! Why didn’tchu stay a shawty?”
Now I’m certain if I had been a stupid idiot and made my gender identity the subject of the whole conversation, if I hadn’t been able to connect and joke about other things, I would’ve gotten a harsher reception. Due to transphobia? Of course. But that’s the reality: you meet people where they’re at, be kind, be part of the community, then you let the hairpin drop and those same people who have become your friends start questioning their own prejudices. That is how bridges are built.
“How long did it take you to pass as male?”
I would say a little under two years; maybe a year and 7 months. That sounds incredible, right? But a lot of it comes down to how you dress, your carriage, how you talk and act, and of course, healthy nutrition and exercise so I wasn’t overly obese in a still-feminine way. No, I didn’t have a nice goatee and sideburns by then, and I still had that “baby face” of still noticeably softer feminine deposits of fat, and I still had boobs (and always will), and my voice hadn’t dropped as low as it has now. But you just proceed like a man and everyone will assume you are, a man. It takes a real masculine mindset and commitment to masculinity (if you’re going to keep wearing a dress and go “Ohmigosh! I’m sooo sorryyyy!” then can you blame anyone for thinking you’re still a chick at that point?).
“What do you wish you had done differently?”
I wish I hadn’t worn chest binders. Yes, I did “safe” binding with materials specifically meant for chest binding. Yes, I bought from trans-owned businesses. Yes, I measured correctly, and made sure to size up whenever I found I was “between sizes”. I still I wish I hadn’t done that shit to my fucking back. I’m all right now, but I’m NEVER restricting my ribcage, and diaphragm like that, ever again. What I needed to do was eat better, exercise more, and make better friends so I could sleep better and lose more excess fat. If the goal was to look like a hot guy then I needed to put in more WORK to actually look like a hot guy. That’s the reality.
“Why does The MANual focus on traditional masculinity and gender roles?”
Because I like traditional masculinity and gender roles. Because on the spectrum of manhood, I lean closer to Clark Gable than to Ru Paul. Because I am living Zack Fair cosplay. Because this is what I’ve been yearning for, even when I was still an OFOS sapphite. Because I’m content to leave the womanhood and femininity to Trixie Mattel and Katya and my wife, and she is happy to do the same. Because I grew up with fucking Mulan, what do you want from me?
“What is the website aesthetic all about?”
I wanted something that was fairly “stony”, “stoic”, and “sober”, those stereotypically masculine qualities. Yet I didn’t want something completely without life, warmth, or colour. The background image of this website is a collage I had made in 2023. I decided on that, first, then the rest of the site’s visual aesthetics flowed from there. Compared to other static websites that I love and that I’ve made, the visual intricacy of this site is fairly simplistic; it’s so for greater ease of creating a Mobile-compliant/responsive website. Despite the “squarishness” of the whole design, I’m quite happy with the impression of the visual assets and browser effects.